Sex might have played a big role in how you conceived your baby. But now that you’re pregnant, it’s common to feel a little uncertain about what you can do between the sheets. And after birth, it’s likely your feelings around sex will change again. 

What to Expect creator Heidi Murkoff recently sat down with OB/GYN Sherry Ross, M.D., also known as Dr. Sherry, to discuss some of the most common questions new and expecting parents might have about sex during pregnancy and the postpartum period. 

One thing to keep in mind as you consider sex during these new life stages: Communication with your partner is so important. “Talk about it and go slow,” says Heidi. “Let him know if you're in the mood, not in the mood, what might get you in the mood. Maybe that’s more help around the house, a chance to have a shower. Talk about it and do what you feel is right for you.”

Here are some highlights from their conversation:  

Is it safe to have sex during pregnancy? 

“Sex is safe during pregnancy unless you’ve been told otherwise by your provider,” Heidi says. “If you experience contractions or cramping after an orgasm, you should not worry unless it continues over the next couple of hours.”

In the first trimester, you might have low energy, feel nauseous, or experience breast tenderness. So sex may not be high on your list. But there is no association between sex during the first trimester and an increased risk of miscarriage. As you enter your second trimester, you start feeling more like yourself and it’s a good time to be sexually active if that interests you. By the third trimester, you may not be feeling as sexy, but it is still safe to have sex. Getting comfortable through communication with your partner is key.

When can I start having sex again after birth? 

There is no set time mark for when women can start having sex after birth, but many experts recommend waiting six weeks to give your body time to heal. 

“If you’re in the mood and want to have sex before that six-week mark and your provider says go for it, go for it,” Heidi says. “But if you are not in the mood, and that’s more likely to be the case, you’re not alone.” 

A survey conducted by What to Expect found that nearly half of moms wait longer than six weeks, some as long as six months, a year, or more before resuming penetrative sex. “What’s normal for you is what’s normal and no pressure,” says Heidi. “Sometimes it’s a matter that you are just not in the mood because you smell what I call ‘Eau de spit up’ or maybe you haven’t showered in a couple of days. Maybe the baby’s about to start crying and you’re super nervous about getting busy. Your partner might be worried about the same things.” 

Communicate with your partner and health care provider about how you feel physically and emotionally when it comes to getting back into intimacy.

What can moms do if they still end up experiencing pain during sex postpartum? 

The first time you have sex is likely going to hurt, but if you are still having pain after a few months you can seek support from your health care provider. Breastfeeding and low estrogen can cause vaginal dryness. Your pelvis changes during its preparation for birth and it can feel sore so you might be more sensitive to positions and penetration. 

“I'm a huge fan of pelvic floor therapy,” Heidi says. “During postpartum, a pelvic floor therapist can be so helpful — even if you have a C-section, they can help you with your C-section scar.” 

During pregnancy, your pelvic floor has to support the growing weight of your uterus. These muscles stretch and need to be exercised. Pelvic floor therapy postpartum can help with incontinence, painful sex, pelvic organ prolapse, and chronic pelvic pain.