Coming to terms with the fact that you may have postpartum depression (PPD) can be tough. But sometimes, sharing the news with your partner, a close family member, a friend or your doctor might feel even harder.
Postpartum depression is a serious medical condition and a type of depression that affects some new moms. It can occur any time in the first year after giving birth, most often hitting within a week to a month postpartum.
Every woman's experience of PPD is a little different. But in general, it's common to feel intensely sad or overwhelmed or paralyzed by the stresses of caring for a baby. You might have frequent mood swings and bouts of crying, and feel anxious or exhausted. You might also notice that you're not interested in the things you normally enjoy and feel indifferent or uninterested in your baby. (This screening quiz can help you determine whether you might be affected by PPD.)
While there can be a stigma around depression and mental health problems in general, it can be particularly challenging to open up about PPD. You might worry that your feelings mean you're not cut out to be a mom, or worse, that you don't really love your baby. (These things, of course, are not true. Having PPD doesn't mean that there's something "wrong" with you and it's never your fault.)
But speaking up is important. Being honest about your emotions can help you feel less alone and is the first step towards getting the help you need to feel better. If you're not sure where to start, you've come to the right place.
Why should you tell someone you have PPD?
It might seem like you're in a very dark place right now, perhaps with no clear way out. But postpartum depression is treatable with talk therapy and/or medication. And in fact, getting treatment is a must for feeling better. Remember, PPD is a serious medical condition. You can't just snap out of it, and without help, it can get worse.
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Telling your partner or someone else you trust sets the ball in motion for you to start getting that care. Plus, there's a good chance that your partner or loved one will be able to support you more effectively when they know how you're feeling. (And in some cases, it might turn out that your partner is dealing with similar struggles.)
Once you tell someone close to you, the next step is to make an appointment to see your doctor (usually your OB/GYN) as soon as possible so you can start getting the treatment you need right away.
Talking and getting treated isn't just good for you. It's also the best thing for your baby. PPD can make it harder to bond with your newborn and tend to her needs.
In short? You owe it to yourself and your baby to get better. And opening up about how you're feeling will help make that happen.
How to tell a partner, family member or friend you have PPD
There's no right or wrong way to talk about your depression — the most important thing is that you feel comfortable. That said, framing the conversation with the facts about postpartum depression and its symptoms can be a good way to start, since it sets the stage for talking about your feelings in connection with PPD.
Here's what that might look like:
"Do you have a minute to talk? I've been doing some research about postpartum depression and its symptoms. Some of them match up with how I've been feeling, and I'm concerned. I know that just being pregnant and giving birth puts a woman at risk for PPD, and that it's very common, affecting up to 1 in 7 women. I think I should share my symptoms with my doctor and see if I should get help."
Of course, you can also be more casual if that approach feels too formal. It's fine to simply say something like, "Do you have a minute to talk? I've been feeling sad lately and I'm worried that I might have postpartum depression." Once you open up, your partner or loved one will want to know more. And you can talk about your feelings from there.
How to tell a doctor or medical professional you have PPD
It's typical for an OB/GYN to ask about PPD symptoms or give you a PPD screening test at your postpartum checkups, and your baby's pediatrician may do the same at your baby's checkups. If that happens, try to give answers that are honest — don't minimize your feelings. (However, if you're experiencing serious symptoms or having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, don't wait. Call 911 right away.)
If your doctor or your baby's pediatrician hasn't directly asked about PPD, don't hesitate to bring it up yourself. You can say something as simple as, "Can we talk about postpartum depression? I think I may have some symptoms."
Regardless of how the conversation gets started, when it's time to talk about your symptoms, try to be specific and don't feel embarrassed. Share when they started, how severe they are and how they're impacting your day-to-day life.
You might say, for instance, that you started feeling very sad for no reason and weren't bonding with your baby about two weeks after giving birth, and that sometimes you start crying when you can't soothe the baby and have no interest in getting outside for walks even though you normally really enjoy that.
If your symptoms suggest that you're dealing with postpartum depression, your doctor or the pediatrician can refer you to mental health professionals or other resources that will help you start feeling better.
More tips on asking for help with PPD
The more you voice your needs, the better they can be met. There's no right or wrong way to go about it, but these tips can help.
Ask for what you need. It might be a few hours of child care so you can meet with a therapist or a support group, someone to tackle the ever-growing mountain of laundry, or the chance to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon. When you're open about what you need, those you care about can help.
Tell as many (or as few) people as you want. You don't have to broadcast the fact that you have PPD to everyone, but you also don't have to keep it a secret. Who you share your feelings with is entirely up to you. But the more trusted people you open up to, the more support you may receive in return. And some family members or friends might respond by telling you they went through the same thing.
Get help even if you don't have support. Mental health problems are taboo for some people. If your partner or family isn't willing to acknowledge your symptoms and need for treatment, talk with your doctor on your own about getting help.
Bring someone to your doctor's appointment. Having someone with you can help you make sure you're taking in all the information the doctor is telling you, especially if it seems overwhelming. Your partner or a loved one may also be able to weigh in on your symptoms and how they seem to be affecting you.
- Try a support group. Support groups for those suffering from PPD can be found at local hospitals, family planning clinics or community centers. The hospital where you gave birth or your doctor may be able to help you find one. You can also tap into the National Women’s Health Information Center, the National Library of Medicine and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists for more information on and resources for postpartum depression.
Remember that there's nothing "wrong" with you. Having PPD isn't your fault and it doesn't make you crazy or a bad mother. You're experiencing a mental health problem that's very common — and very treatable.
No new mom is an island, and that's even more true for those who are struggling with PPD. Opening up about your symptoms can be hard, but it's the best thing you can do to start feeling better. So don't wait.
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