I believe that bringing life into this world is always a gift. I was lucky to have had three uncomplicated pregnancies, and each gave me one of my greatest blessings, my sweet babies Sienna, Jaxon and Taylor. But although I couldn't be more grateful for my children, it's taken time for me to accept that I didn't love being pregnant — and that's okay.
Pregnancy is a miracle, and so many families struggle to get pregnant and become parents — I was one of them. But for many women, pregnancy is still hard, and it can be frustrating to feel like you have to seem like you're enjoying the experience 24/7 even if you're not.
When I was pregnant with my first, I often struggled with the feeling that everyone expected me to be happy all the time. From social media to conversations with friends and family, I felt pressure to be blissful and glowing — things I rarely felt during any of my pregnancies. (I was told there would be a glow! Where was the glow?)
I now know I can be thankful for my children and my ability to have safely carried them for nine months, and at the same time not have loved everything about the experience. As a mom of three looking back, there are a few things I wish I'd been told during my pregnancies.
1. Complaining about your symptoms doesn't make you ungrateful
Sure, I was overjoyed to be pregnant. But the truth was that most days I was hurting, nauseous and annoyed by my pregnancy acne. I hated that I couldn't sleep at all after month 7, and that I often had to leave work meetings every 10 minutes to pee.
But when I'd mention these symptoms to others, often just needing an opportunity to vent, I was sometimes made to feel guilty for not appreciating the incredible gift I'd been given. Once, when telling a co-worker that I had been sleeping on the couch because it was too uncomfortable to sleep in my bed (no position or pillow seemed to help!), she told me that I shouldn't complain and "should just be thankful."
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Now, if a mom-to-be were to tell me about a difficult pregnancy symptom, I hope I'd respond with empathy and understanding. I think I'd say: "Girl, yes, my hips felt like I got kicked by a horse my entire pregnancy," or "I was so nauseous during my pregnancy that I ate more fast food than I care to admit," or "I could barely stay awake past 7 p.m."
2. You don’t have to be happy all the time
I was excited to have a baby, but I hated that I couldn't eat what I wanted without it coming back up. Or sweating and almost immediately needing a shower right after getting out of the shower. While I was grateful I could bring this incredible new life into the world, I wasn't thrilled about the physical and emotional woes that came along with the process.
I now know that for many women, pregnancy isn't all butterflies and rainbows. I think that if more moms around me had opened up about "the real deal" — that pregnancy, as amazing as it is, is often uncomfortable and difficult and hard — I might have felt less alone.
3. Your experience is valid
During all three of my pregnancies, I wondered if what I was feeling was wrong. It took time to give myself grace and accept how I really felt during those nine months. Now, I know that my feelings and experiences were valid.
I was 35 with my last (surprise!) baby, and that created unique challenges. I needed extra tests and monitoring, and I could physically feel the difference in being pregnant at 35 than I had felt being pregnant at 30. But still, even if I had hated being pregnant at 25, that would have been okay, too.
Every pregnancy is different, and every mom-to-be should feel empowered to express herself regardless of her experience. I know plenty of moms who loved every second of pregnancy, but that just wasn't my journey. It's okay to say that without guilt.
To other moms-to-be, know that you're allowed to open up about your pregnancy frustrations and challenges — it doesn't make you ungrateful or any less wonderful of a mother. And if you're feeling downright miserable at times during pregnancy, know that you're not alone. I hear you, and if you get funny looks or comments for sharing your true feelings, seek out people who embrace all of you — every ache, every midnight text asking if you also experienced lightning crotch. Because the struggle is real.
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