"Every time we're at a family gathering, one of my relatives wants to know about our pregnancy plans. How can I deal with these nosy questions in a diplomatic way?"

Big family gatherings can be loads of fun, but they also can be stressful when you're early in your pregnancy or trying to conceive — there's always the inquiring aunt or the curious cousin who's eager to talk up your expecting-to-expect status. So don't be surprised if you and your mate find yourselves fielding a few questions about your pregnancy plans from nosy relatives. The two of you will be better able to face the inquisition if you present a united front, so have some strategies ready when one of your well-meaning relatives pops the conception question.

Get your story straight.

Some couples embark on Project Pregnancy under a heavy veil of secrecy, scrupulously protecting their intentions until they've conceived and passed that 12-weeks-pregnant marker (or even later). Others shout from the rooftops, sharing their exciting pregnancy plans and dreams with family, friends, neighbors and the waitresses at their local diner. First, remember that when (and how) to announce your pregnancy is a personal decision and entirely up to you.

Wherever you lie in the spectrum, though, make sure your partner is right by your side. If you're a rooftop-shouter and your partner is a secret-keeper, find a comfortable middle ground before family functions — though large gatherings can hamper any efforts at discretion. When you're faced with an over-eager mother-in-law who wants to know when you're going to make her a grandmother, stick to your prepared statement and say that you'd prefer to keep your conception efforts more personal. A little grace is in order here, so add a pleasant "But you never know." Or dare to be silly, with an answer like "We're waiting to hit the lottery." Of course, if you're willing to share a little more information, a simple "We're working on it" or "As soon as possible" should end the nosy relative's interrogation.

Find a willing ear.

No matter what your privacy policy is on your pregnancy plans, you still might want to confide in at least one other special someone aside from your sweetie. Taking the plunge into the trying-to-conceive pool is fun and exciting, but it also has its share of stressful moments (am I timing this right?) and nagging fears (what if I can't get pregnant?).

Your confidante could be a cousin who's just had a baby (or wants one too), your sister or favorite aunt, even your mom. Or perhaps you'll bond with an online buddy — the anonymity of the internet might be a better fit for you (you'll find some great potential pals on the What to Expect TTC message boards.

Keep your eye on the prize.

In the end, if fielding baby questions from nosy relatives feels overwhelming, a little perspective may help. Keep in mind that a lot of those loving relatives are almost as excited as you are at the thought of a new addition to your family. Plus, how long can a conversation about baby making last? They ask, you answer, and the discussion is done (until the next time). And once you've gotten the baby questions out of the way, you and your mate can get on with the real task at hand: enjoying the gathering — then working on getting baby on board!

Here's to loving relatives — nosy or not!


Heidi Murkoff