We all know the hard work that goes with childbirth, but by offering support, a non-birthing partner plays a crucial role in the process as well. Besides providing encouragement during labor and delivery, you’ll serve as the point person for all sorts of duties — from distractor-in-chief to cord cutter.
So, how can you prepare for what’s bound to be a physically exhausting day for her and an emotional one for both of you? Check out these tips so you can proceed with patience and confidence during one of the most important days of your lives.
Partner responsibilities during early labor
Not sure what to do first? Add these tasks to your pre-labor to-do list.
Have a plan
It’s always good to be prepared, so a few weeks before the due date, map out the best route to the hospital. Regardless of whether you'll be driving yourself or taking a cab, do a trial run so you’re not caught by surprise on the day (or night) of — even if you’re using Google Maps, you can still make a wrong turn when you don’t know the way.
Now is also the time to install the infant car seat, which can be tricky. You’ll need it when you drive your bundle home.
Pack the bags
This is another do-ahead-of-time task that you’ll both be grateful for when the contractions come. You may be staying overnight, too, so make sure both bags have a change of underwear, toiletries, a phone charger, extra pair of socks and a hoodie or sweater. (Hospitals can be drafty!)
You’ll also want to toss in a copy of her birth plan, insurance ID and hospital paperwork in one folder near the bags, so you can grab everything when it’s time to go.
More Tips for Partners
Know your contractions ...
You both probably took a birthing class, but it’s smart to do a review so you know how to tell true contractions from false ones, which are called Braxton Hicks.
Here’s a quick cheat sheet: Braxton Hicks contractions don’t happen regularly. They come and go, may last 30 seconds or up to two minutes and may subside when your partner shifts positions. True labor contractions have a pattern and grow stronger, longer and closer together as time goes on.
You can help your partner identify what’s happening so you both feel calmer and more in control (although you should always reach out to her practitioner if she's in a lot of pain or you're unsure).
… and how to time them
When you call her doctor or midwife, he or she will ask how often the contractions are coming. So one way to offer your partner support in early labor is by helping to time them. To do that, time the intervals between contractions from the start of one to the beginning of the next.
Call her doctor if the contractions start to become more frequent, longer in duration or more painful. It’s also a good idea to save her provider’s number in your phone (if you haven’t already).
Offer distractions
If you know going in that this might be a really long day, you can better manage your (and your partner’s) expectations. So, keep in mind that spending 10-plus hours in labor is not unusual for first-time moms (though research shows five to seven hours can also be typical).
Here’s where you come in: Break out some games, stream an episode of a favorite sitcom or reality show (if you can focus) or take a stroll down the hall if she’s up for it.
Spread the zen
Your most important job is to keep your partner relaxed, so keep calm yourself. Do some progressive muscle relaxation exercises together or even a short mindfulness exercise. Or if she’ll let you, gently massage her head or back, and hold her hand during those really rough contractions.
Read up on the stages of labor
Early labor is just that — your partner’s contractions are still mild or moderate, spaced out around 20 minutes and not necessarily consistent. This can go on for hours or even days.
But once those contractions become more intense and last about 40 to 60 seconds, she’s likely entering active labor. Now’s the time to call her provider, who'll probably tell you to head to the hospital.
How partners can offer emotional support at the hospital
Once it's go-time, you can help out at the hospital by doing the following:
Fill out the paperwork
If you didn’t preregister at the hospital, you’ll do it now while your partner goes to the maternity ward. Good thing you had all your insurance information ready to go!
Expect the unexpected
Once you get to the room, give the nurses a copy of your partner's birth plan so they can put it in her chart. But keep an open mind in case you need to adjust it.
No one — not even the most experienced obstetrician — can predict exactly how your partner’s labor and delivery will go. For example, you two may have discussed a delivery without medication, but things can change as labor progresses.
Be her advocate …
During labor, your partner may need you to speak up on her behalf, so prepare to be assertive. Insist on speaking with the doctor if you or your partner is uneasy about what’s happening. Be a squeaky wheel if the anesthesiologist is AWOL. Be firm but respectful if you're asking why an intervention is being made.
… And her cheerleader
If your partner wants to switch on the TV and switch it off five minutes later, humor her. If she wants you to go get her some ice chips, hop to it (if the doctor okays it). Praise her efforts (unless it gets on her nerves) or sympathize.
If she wants a massage, give it. If her feet are cold, find the socks and put them on her (or grab a pair from the nurse). And if she’s hot, cool her down with a damp washcloth over her face and body.
Don’t take anything personally
You’re going to feel that you’re in the way once the doctor and labor nurse take over — and totally unwanted if your partner snaps at you. But you have an important role, even if it’s giving her the space she wants.
What to say to someone in labor? Sometimes it’s nothing. Instead, breathe through the contractions with her, mop her forehead and let her squeeze your hand.
Give your all when she begins to push
Support her body while she pushes and keep mopping her face. Small gestures will keep your partner going. You could give her an update, too, so she knows when the baby’s head is crowning (if she can’t see for herself in the mirror).
Don’t be afraid to get hands-on when the baby arrives
If the two of you have agreed earlier, you can cut the cord. You’ll get coaching from the pros (who’ll be there to back you up anyway), so don’t worry about making a wrong move.
Thank her
When it’s all over and you’re holding your brand-new baby, be conscious of what your partner has just accomplished. She deserves a little — no, a lot — of recognition for making it through labor and delivery, not to mention nine months of pregnancy. N
o need to break the bank with a blingy "push" present if that’s not your style, but taking the time to write a loving note of appreciation or a small gift will be meaningful to her.
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