If you’re a working parent, it can be really tough to head home after a long day away from your baby, visions of a joyful reunion dancing in your head, only to have that happy dream morph into a working parent's nightmare when he screws up his sweet little mouth and starts to cry the minute you step foot in the house (or the day care center).
Then, to make things worse, the caregiver says something helpful like, “That’s strange. He’s been a smiley little angel all day!” Now the thoughts going through your head aren’t so sweet: Has he already forgotten you? Does he love his caregiver(s) more than he loves you? What has gotten into your reportedly angelic child?
Believe it or not, you come home to a crying baby not because he doesn’t remember you, or because he’s sorry to see you, or because you’ve fallen out of favor with him. Instead, all those tears mean that he’s thrilled to see you (though he’s got a heck of a way of showing it). The reality is, those tears are a testament to the fact that you’re one terrific parent.
Here’s how it works: A baby who cries upon seeing her parent after a long separation is expressing his secure attachment to his parent. Thanks to all the ways you show him you love him when you’re together — keeping him clean and fed, entertained and well-rested — he knows that no matter what he does, and that includes bawling his little baby blues out as soon as he catches sight of you, he’s still going to be the center of your universe: nurtured, protected and loved. (And by the way, this same trust in your love may well manifest as tantrums when your child is a little older, so tuck that bit of information away for the tricky toddler years.)
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Understanding that the source of your crying baby’s waterworks is his extreme love for you can go a long way toward helping you cope with his reaction. Even so, it can be tough to see your baby cry. To help him calm down, do your best not to let your own distress or disappointment show, if that’s what you’re feeling. Even better, let him know how happy you are to see him: A study has found that when one person is cheerful, the people around him or her are more likely to be happy, too — as are the people around them. In other words, happiness is as contagious as the flu — but with much nicer side effects.
Lastly, try not to rush him. If you can possibly spare it, spend 10 minutes or so playing with your baby at the day care before you bundle him up to leave, or on the living-room floor with a favorite toy or reading a board book before you start dinner. It will give you both some time to wind down and reconnect.
Here’s to many happy returns!
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