There never seem to be enough hours in the day. The house never gets clean enough, getting the kids out the door takes an eternity and you’re lucky to claim any time to do something for yourself.
Sound familiar? As beautiful and fulfilling as mom life can be, these experiences can take a toll on your mental health and contribute to burnout and depression.
But understanding how burnout and depression differ, along with their causes and potential solutions, can make all the difference in decompressing, de-stressing and getting the help you need.
Burnout vs. depression
Burnout and depression share some similarities, and researchers continue to study exactly how they overlap and diverge. Some say that burnout and depression are, in fact, two different conditions.[1] Others argue burnout is a possible form of depression.[2]
Either way, the current approach to diagnosis and treatment works a little differently for each one. Here's the breakdown:
What is burnout?
Burnout is characterized by extreme physical and emotional exhaustion, a decrease in self-fulfillment and a recurring feeling like you're detached from your current situation.
Burnout can impact anyone — from an overworked employee to a stay-at-home parent. You may think of it as an internal problem, but cultural forces contribute to burnout.
"Burnout is usually portrayed as a person’s individual issue, but it's deeply rooted in larger societal norms that promote overworking and praise going the extra mile," says Jennifer Mullan, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist.
External stimuli (e.g., an over-extended schedule, financial insecurity, health issues) typically cause burnout — and in most cases, if the source of chronic stress goes away, the feelings of burnout resolve.
What is depression?
Depression is a common and serious medical condition that negatively affects how you feel, behave and think, the American Psychological Association states.[3]
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It can make it hard for you to get out of bed — and if you do — you no longer find joy or satisfaction in the things that once pleased you. You might constantly wrestle with negative thoughts about yourself and others and find it difficult to see the bright side of things.
Genetics, a chemical imbalance, a mood regulation problem in your brain, or any combination of the three can cause depression. Traumatic life events — such as the death of a loved one, divorce or job loss — can also trigger depression, but unlike burnout, there isn't necessarily an external stimulus.
"Depression can happen even when everything feels 'fine,' and there are no apparent life stressors or issues," Dr. Mullan says.
Your primary care doctor, psychiatrist or another licensed mental health professional can diagnose you with depression and potentially prescribe antidepressant medication as treatment.
Symptoms of burnout and depression
While burnout and depression can look similar, some key differences can help you figure out what you're dealing with.
Symptoms of burnout
If you're burned out, you might experience the following:
- Extreme exhaustion
- Social fatigue
- Feeling down
- Reduced performance
- Difficulty concentrating
- Agitation
- Physical problems, like frequent headaches
- Mom guilt
Symptoms of depression
Keep in mind the symptoms above can overlap with depression. However, with depression, you might also experience:
- Hopelessness
- Low self-esteem and self-confidence
- Self-blame and guilt
- Loss of appetite
- Crying more often than usual
- Anger or range
- Fear that you will hurt your baby
- Reoccurring thoughts about death, suicide or self-harm
One of the more significant differences between depression and burnout is that burnout typically only impacts how you feel about and handle the source of your stress.
For example, if you’re experiencing mom burnout and notice that you're having more negative thoughts, they're likely only about your responsibilities as a parent. Whereas if you're depressed, you'll also experience negative thoughts about other areas of your life.
Burnout and depression risk factors
Unfortunately, burnout and depression are far more common among moms than some might think, and the risk factors for both can be complex.
Burnout risk factors
Some risk factors for burnout include:
- Gender. About 68 percent of women report feeling burned out compared to only 42 percent of men.[4]
- Lack of support and resources. Burned out moms might not ask for or get the help they need from the people around them.[5] Likewise, limited access to child care, tutoring, after-school programs and the like — resources that give moms a break — can contribute to burnout as well.
- History of mental health challenges. Perhaps not surprisingly, 77 percent of parents with anxiety (past or present) reported burnout in an Ohio State University survey.
- Having a child diagnosed with a learning difference or mental health disorder. Almost 80 percent of parents with a child diagnosed with ADHD and 73 percent of parents with a child diagnosed with anxiety report experiencing burnout.
- Number of children. Mothers with more than one child are more likely to experience burnout.
- Systemic problems. Moms who experience chronic stress and trauma due to factors such as race, first language, religion, sexuality, socio-economic status or ability may be more at risk for burnout, research suggests.[6]
- Personality type. People who are very driven and deal with perfectionism have higher rates of burnout.
Depression risk factors
Depression shares some of the risk factors with burnout, such as a lack of social support and resources, gender, and socio-economic status.[7] In fact, mothers living in poverty are more likely to be diagnosed with maternal depression than other moms.[8] Women are also twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression than men.[9]
But depression also has some physiological risk factors, such as the hormonal changes that women experience immediately after giving birth that can contribute to postpartum depression (PPD).
Additional risk factors for developing maternal or postpartum depression that do not overlap with burnout include:[10]
- Gestational diabetes
- Obesity
- Age (having a baby over 35 years of age)
- Vitamin D deficiency
- Postpartum sleep issues
- Postpartum anemia
- Exposure to violence and abuse
- Alcohol or substance abuse disorder
- Poor health before pregnancy
- A negative pregnancy or delivery experience
What to do if you think you're burned out
If you think you're burned out, there are active steps you can take to feel better:
- Consider your priorities. Is your schedule riddled with conflicting obligations from carpools to work meetings to Target runs? Take some time to list out the things that take up your day and weigh on your mind. Then write out what you'd ideally spend your time and energy on based on your goals and values.
- Address sources of stress. You can't change certain parts of your life, but you can consider ways to reduce potential stressors. If money is tight, is it possible to look for a better-paying job or budget differently?
- Ask for help — and take it. "Don’t only ask for help, but allow yourself to receive that support," Dr. Mullan says. "Grocery shopping, emotional support, babysitting, paid time off — all of it. Tell a partner, friend or family member what might help."
- Monotask. Instead of multitasking, focus on one thing at a time when you can.
- Be proactive in preventing stress. Engage in activities that bring you happiness. Maybe it’s yoga, painting or running. Whatever it is, do it consistently and regularly.
- Connect with others. Sometimes a good vent goes a long way, especially with another mom who can relate to some of your experiences. "Join a virtual or in-person support group for mothers," Dr. Mullan says. "Knowing you’re not the only mom having these experiences is vital and deeply useful."
What to do if you think you're depressed
If your depression symptoms aren't fleeting or in response to a particular stressor and they're causing disruption in your life, it's time to take action.
"Do not minimize depression symptoms," Dr. Mullan says. "Asking for support prior to your depression becoming severe or a danger to yourself or to your children is critical."
Here are a few things you can do if you think you may be depressed:
- Talk to someone. Discussing your symptoms with a partner, family member or friend can help you feel supported.
- See a professional. Seeing a mental health professional as part of depression treatment is standard and nothing to be ashamed of. A psychotherapist, psychiatrist or psychologist can confirm a diagnosis and put together a treatment plan that fits your specific needs.
- Get regular exercise. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which can provide a welcome relief from depression symptoms. So, if possible, consider going for a run, a bike ride or any form of exercise that you typically enjoy.
- Get enough rest, but not too much. When dealing with depression, it’s important to get adequate rest without staying in bed too long, which can exacerbate symptoms.
- Skip alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, and drinking it when you’re already feeling low can drag your mood down more.
- Eat well. Research has found that a healthy diet significantly reduces the risk of developing depressive symptoms.[11]
- Surround yourself with the people who make you happy. Lean on those who make you feel joy and create a sense of calm in your life.
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